


The Ultimutt Favor

by CallistoNicol



Category: MCU, Thor (Movies), sifki - Fandom
Genre: F/M, be careful what you ask for, because sometimes it works out in the best way possible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:40:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21636001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallistoNicol/pseuds/CallistoNicol
Summary: When Sif has to unexpectedly go out of town, she drops her dog off with Loki.He is not pleased.
Relationships: Loki/Sif, sifki
Comments: 33
Kudos: 45





	The Ultimutt Favor

Incessant pounding on the front door woke Loki at the unearthly hour of 4:30 a.m. Bleary-eyed and ready to verbally eviscerate whomever dared to disturb his slumber, Loki flung open his apartment door and was promptly barreled over by his teary-eyed girlfriend. Crying Sif wasn’t unusual, but this time Loki hadn’t caused it, and that was unusual.

“Didn’t I give you a key?” he asked, desperately trying to wake up his brain enough to process what was going on. 

“I left it at home,” Sif said, setting down her packages. “I have to go out of town, and you need to take care of Hogun. I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’ll call you when I land and I’ll update you when I know something. Instructions are in the bag. Love you.” She kissed him, and was gone. 

It took Loki an entire minute before he realized Sif had left her tiny black dog in his apartment. 

Flinging open the apartment door, he shouted, “SIF!” but she was long gone.

What was he supposed to do with this...creature?

Hogun, Sif’s beloved black shorkie, was a point of contention in their relationship. Sif loved the thing an ungodly amount, while Loki couldn’t figure out if it had a purpose other than to defecate on perfectly manicured lawns. Living together wasn’t an option for them, because Loki refused to share his living space with a tiny furball that sometimes couldn’t tell the difference between urinating on grass and urinating on carpet. Not to mention Sif lived her life by the dog’s need to eliminate, meaning more than one date had been cut short so she could take her pet out. 

And now said pet was sitting on Loki’s pristine white tile, its overly large eyes staring unblinkingly at Loki. 

“Shoo,” Loki said. The dog didn’t twitch. 

Deciding he wasn’t awake enough to worry about this, Loki turned the light off and went back to bed.

When his alarm went off at 6:30, Loki awoke to two large dark eyes peering into his. Letting out an expletive, he accidentally knocked the dog right off his bed. Amazingly, it didn’t make a peep, despite having been flung a distance three times its height. What was he supposed to do with this tiny creature? Grabbing his phone, Loki called his girlfriend, but it went straight to voicemail. Didn’t she say something about landing? That meant she must be on a plane, but going where?

Sitting up and swinging his feet to the floor, Loki yelped as he was met by a wet present Hogun had made himself. “Bad dog,” he snapped, and Hogun scurried under Loki’s bed. Loki sighed; he should be nice to the dog, or he might lose his girlfriend. Then again, Sif might lose her boyfriend for saddling him with her stupid dog. 

One thing was for sure: he wasn’t leaving this hell beast alone in his house until he had some answers. Calling into work, Loki lied about being sick and took the day off, then made his way into the kitchen to find the instructions he vaguely recalled Sif saying she’d left. 

Tucked inside of a plastic grocery sack Loki found Sif’s scrawled note.

  * _Put a quarter cup of food in his bowl every day_


  * _Change the water daily_


  * _Taking him out to use the bathroom when you wake up, when you get home from work, and before you go to bed_


  * _He needs a haircut; call xxx-xxxx to get an appointment_


  * _DO NOT FEED HIM CHOCOLATE_


  * _Actually, don’t feed him human food at all. That way you don’t have to worry about accidentally killing him_


  * _Love you_



Also inside the bag, Loki found food and water bowls, a large tupperware full of dog food, a leash, and what he assumed were bags to collect dog poop. 

“The indignities,” Loki muttered ten minutes later as he collected Hogun’s fresh poop from the grass. “Your mother is in for an earful,” he told the dog, who tilted his head slightly and wagged his tail. It was not cute. “You’re not cute,” Loki added for good measure. Hogun’s tail wagged faster. 

Back inside, Loki set about dog-proofing his apartment. He was a clean person by nature and kept a tidy home, but he didn’t realize how many little things were close to the ground until Hogun tried to chew a computer power cord, a throw pillow fallen off the couch, and a pile of crumbs Loki couldn’t see underneath the cupboards. If this dog tried to chew one of his expensive leather shoes, Loki was kicking it, cute eyes be damned.

Fortunately the thing didn’t seem to shed much, but the dog and his hairy body were _everywhere_ Loki tried to step. It followed him around, constantly underfoot, and before noon Loki nearly stepped on Hogun a half dozen times. “Git,” he snapped for the sixth time, Hogun scurrying off to hide under the couch, where he would remain for precisely two minutes before coming back out to pester Loki again. He sighed; what had he done for Sif to deposit this demon in his home?

Shortly after lunch, Sif called. “How’s my baby?” she cooed, and Loki knew she didn’t mean him.

“Not dead yet,” he answered curtly. “Would you care to explain what he’s doing in my home?”

“Heimdall OD’d and is in the hospital,” she said. “As I’m his only kin, I’m here taking care of him for the forseeable future. I needed someone to take my dog, Loki, and at four in the morning you were the only person I could think of. I know Hogun isn’t your favorite, but he’s a good boy, and I promise if you give him half a chance, you might even like him.”

Eyeing the dog sitting at his feet, its tail wagging, Loki only said, “We’ll see.”

“Just take care of him for me,” she said, and Loki could hear the exhaustion in her voice. “I’ll make it up to you when I get home, I promise.”

Thirty seconds ago he would have extracted an extravagant promise from her, but knowing she was stressed with her brother and probably in need of a good nap, Loki only said, “I’ll hold you to it.”

Muffled voices were heard on Sif’s end, and her next words were, “I have to go. I’ll call you when I can. Love you.”

“Love you, too,” he said gruffly as the line went dead. He looked down at Hogun, who was now sitting next to a puddle. “The hell…?” Loki asked, realizing the dog peed on his floor. Again. “She said to take you out after work!” Loki shouted. “That’s hours away! Damn dog!” 

Loki set about cleaning the floors of his apartment, then googled shorkies. All the official sites claimed Shih Tzus and Yorkies were highly trainable, but the dog forums were full of puppy parents complaining about how difficult their pups were to house train. 

_he sleeps all day while i’m at work so how come on my day off he has to pee multiple times before 5???_

_She’s great, so long as i watch her like a hawk. But turn my back and she pees on my carpet!!!_

_Zero accidents for sixth months, the he pooped on my floor THREE TIMES in one day._

With a sigh, Loki accepted he was just going to have to deal with dog elimination. Sif had better appreciate how much he loved her.

With a rare day off, Loki curled up on his couch with a book. Within minutes Hogun joined him, cuddling up as close as possible so there wasn’t an inch of space between them. Loki stared at the dog. “Shoo,” he said, but Hogun paid him no mind. Loki didn’t mind Sif cuddling with him, as she was his girlfriend and had certain privileges as his partner, but she was the only being, living or dead, who had the right to touch him. This furball had earned no such privileges. “Shoo,” Loki said again, and when Hogun didn’t so much as twitch, he pushed the dog off the couch. Landing with a thump, Hogun pulled himself up and stared at Loki. “Stay there,” Loki commanded and returned to his book.

Thirty seconds later, Hogun jumped back on the couch and cuddled right back up to Loki. With a growl, Loki pushed the dog off the couch again, then had to do it four more times because Hogun kept coming back up. Deciding reading was more important than establishing boundaries with a critter who couldn’t be more than five pounds, Loki gave up and went back to his book while Hogun curled up next to his thigh and promptly fell asleep. 

To Loki’s amazement, once he got past the initial discomfort of something touching him, he found he didn’t mind. Hogun didn’t take up much space, and he was warm against Loki’s leg. In fact, it was kind of nice having the kind of company that didn’t ask for attention or demand Loki converse. Loki even went so far as to reach down and rub the dog’s ears. Hogun sighed in contentment, and Loki felt the tiniest prick in his heart. 

He quickly retracted his hand and returned to ignoring the dog.

*

Day two started out fine. Loki woke up slightly earlier than usual to take the dog out, and discovered he didn’t hate the creature quite so much when it urinated outside. He made sure to close every door in his apartment, and when he returned home in the evening Hogun hadn’t left any surprises anywhere. Loki made sure to take him out immediately, thus avoiding any accidents. Feeling pleased with himself, Loki fed the dog, changed its water, and even smiled and petted the creature. And when Sif texted for an update, Loki could honestly say Hogun was doing well. “You’re not so bad, are you, boy?” he murmured, gently petting the dog.

Nighttime, however, was another story. 

Last night Hogun slept well in his kennel, not making a peep, which Loki now attributed to being unsure in an unfamiliar place, because night 2 was introducing Loki to a whole new level of horror. 

The dog _cried_. 

It didn’t bark, howl, or growl, it legit _cried_ and Loki didn’t know how to make it stop. “I’m sleeping!” he shouted at Hogun, who, if anything, only cried louder. How could such a small creature make such a big sound? Sharply clapping his hands together momentarily ceased the noise, but within a minute Hogun was back to crying. Loki didn’t even know dogs _could_ cry. Never, not once, in all the literature he’d read or movies he’d watched had anyone, _ever_ , mentioned that dogs could cry. 

He sent Sif an angry text. _Your hell hound in disturbing my slumber._ He Snapchatted her a brief video of the dog’s howling, accompanied by several angry emojis. She sent back a cringing Bitmoji, but otherwise offered no communication. 

Loki had work in the morning. He needed the dog to shut up. Shooting the animal was sure to prematurely end Loki’s relationship with Sif, and he didn’t have a gun anyway, though he was suddenly considering the merits of purchasing one. Not knowing what else to do, Loki retrieved the critter from its cage and set it on the bed beside him, which is how he ended up sleeping with a dog on his bed. Sif didn’t even sleep in his bed, so how had her mangy animal wormed its way in? 

A question for tomorrow, he thought drowsily and was soon asleep.

Loki and Hogun settled into a pattern. Loki took Hogun out regularly, and in return Hogun did not pee or poop in Loki’s apartment. Hogun cuddled up close to Loki when he was on the couch, and Loki pretended he didn’t hate it (which he didn’t, but the dog didn’t need to know that). Having an extra warm body in the bed was turning out to be kind of nice, especially as the air was turning crisper.

Better still, Hogun had taken it upon himself to clean up all of Loki’s crumbs, making sweeping less of an issue. 

“Hogun’s really doing okay?” Sif asked a week and a half into the dog’s stay. “He hasn’t mysteriously vanished or accidentally eaten a lethal amount of chocolate?”

“He is alive and well,” Loki confirmed, slowly rubbing behind Hogun’s ears, an apparently favored spot. 

“I’m surprised,” Sif breathed. “I honestly half expected to have a pet funeral when I came home.”

“You may yet,” Loki warned. 

“Especially after this request,” Sif said. “He needs a haircut, and I didn’t have time to get it done before I left.”

“I thought dogs shed.”

“Not this one; he’s hypoallergenic, which means he has hair instead of fur and needs a regular trimming so he doesn’t disappear behind his mounds of hair.” Eyeing the dog, Loki noted that Hogun did seem to disappear inside his fur. ...Hair. Whatever. 

“I’ll call for an appointment as soon as we hang up,” he promised. “How’s your brother doing?”

Loki listened with half an ear as she described her battle to get Heimdall into rehab, focusing instead on Hogun’s hair and how soft it was. How did a dog manage to have such silky hair? Loki used an entire shelf’s worth of products, and his hair couldn’t compare. 

Bidding Sif farewell, Loki found the number for the doggy hair stylist (was that what they were even called?) and booked an appointment, then made the mistake of asking after the price. “ _How much_?” he choked. “This dog weighs less than my paper weight! I think I have more hair than he has body, and my haircuts are a third of that price!” The doggy stylist was not impressed, but neither was Loki, so he cancelled his freshly made appointment, hung up, and went on the hunt for scissors. It couldn’t be that hard to cut a dog’s hair, could it? 

Apparently, yes.

Hogun refused to stand still, and when Loki finally wrangled him into a position he couldn’t escape from, he trembled all over, making Loki afraid he’d cut the dog’s leg right off. Still, he was determined, and Loki spent the better part of the next two hours attempting to snip this dog into something resembling handsome. 

Finally satisfied with his work, Loki washed Hogun off in the sink and towel dried him, then pulled back to admire his handiwork. Hogun immediately ran off and hid under the couch. Well. He’d have to admire his handiwork later. 

Hogun didn’t emerge until bedtime, and Loki found he missed the little guy. Who was going to sit beside him while he read his Dickens novel? Or keep him warm while he watched an episode of Law and Order? Worried that Hogun had curled up and died under the couch, Loki set about trying to coax him out with doggy treats and, when that didn’t work, peanut butter. Hogun scooted to the edge of the couch for that treat, then promptly returned to the depths of the undercouch. 

“Hey little guy, I’m sorry,” Loki said softly. “Come out and sit with me. Please?” But Hogun was having none of it, and Loki had to sit by himself on the couch. 

He did not like it.

Who knew being rejected by a dog could remind Loki of being rejected by his father? It was stupid. This dog weighed less than Loki’s work briefcase, and besides, Hogun wasn’t even his. He shouldn’t be having this many feelings about a hairy, four-legged creature. 

And yet….

When Hogun finally crawled out from under the couch, Loki grabbed him and held him close, petting him while his little tail wagged a mile a minute. “I’m sorry, buddy,” Loki said. “I didn’t mean to scare you. You’re a good boy.” A smell twitched Loki’s nose. Looking under the couch, he found a special surprise, courtesy of Hogun, yet Loki couldn’t bring himself to care. “I’d poop, too, if someone sat on me and cut my hair,” he told the dog. Hogun licked his nose in reply. 

And that was that. Loki loved the dog. Sif could break up with him if she wanted to, but she wasn’t getting her dog back. They ate together, walked together, watched TV together, slept together, and Loki wasn’t giving it up. 

Three weeks after Hogun arrived, persistent knocking on the front door woke Loki up from a nap. Hogun barked at the potential intruder. He’d been so silent since he showed up that the sound was unnerving, and momentarily Loki thought it must be a thief politely knocking on his front door. Shaking the sleepy cobwebs out of his head, he scolded himself for such a ridiculous thought, answering the door to find his girlfriend. 

“Hogun!” Sif cried, bending over and grabbing her dog in a tight hug. Hogun squirmed joyfully, his tail going wild. This would not do. Plucking the dog out of Sif’s arms, Loki held him close with one hand while the other shoved Sif back through the door, his foot kicking the door shut. He quickly locked it. “Loki!” Sif shouted, fist pounding on the door. “What are you doing?”

“I’m not giving him back,” Loki said. “He’s mine now and you can’t have him.” The knocking stopped and he heard laughter on the other side. “Laugh all you want,” he said, “but I’m not giving him back.”

“You know, we’re not an either/or package,” Sif’s muffled voice said, amused. “You can have us both.”

Excellent point. “Then marry me,” Loki said. “We can elope right now to City Hall, and then I don’t have to return your pet.”

“Did you just propose to me through a door?”

“Yes or no?” he demanded. 

“Do you want to marry me, or do you just want my dog?”

Opening the door, Loki leaned against the jamb and said, “Why can’t it be both?”

Grabbing his collar, Sif pulled him close. “Yes,” she whispered, then closed the sliver of a distance between them, sealing her lips to his.

Hogun showed his pleasure by licking their chins. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated so my little shorkie, whom I almost named Loki, but didn’t because I didn’t want to jinx his personality.


End file.
